Mr. and Mrs. Woodrow Wallbank, Co-Chairs of  “School Taxes Will Ruin Us,” have announced that their Toy Pomeranian, Ch. Prince Haughty Scamp, will be residing in the tower suite section of the Pleasant Winds Dog Hotel for the next two weeks while they visit three of their homes in the desert southwest.

   Suhas Chakma, chef-owner of renowned Bovine Cove eatery Open-Door Tandoor, which features Mr. Chakma’s famous homemade yogurts and the many delicacies cooked in his Tandoor oven, will be visiting with family in his home state of Manipur, India, for a period of two months. 

   During that time, the restaurant’s doors will remain open, but the tandoor oven will not. 

   In Mr. Chakma’s absence, Victor Autovino, who has been the restaurant’s manager for the past three years, will oversee all operations.  But the menu will be restricted to burgers, chicken nuggets and fries until Mr. Chakma’s return. 

    “I have only the highest regard for Victor’s ability to oversee the restaurant’s business operations,” Chakma said in a written statement, “but if you think I’m trusting my Indian food reputation to some bloody American who’s never been closer to Bangalor than Hoboken, you have a kachauri up your apāndvar, my golly word.”

  Mr. Chakma chose not to provide a translation.

  The Larchmont Life Coaching Academy has announced that Five Lakes’ Lolita Heckle has earned her “Personal Life Coach Instructor’s Degree.”  Ms. Heckle will serve a one year residency, providing counseling in the card lounge of the Indian Landing Country Club women’s locker room. 

   If she survives that trial, she will have earned her Master of the Arts degree in “Irrelevant Lifestyle Therapy” and will be awarded a free year’s worth of post traumatic stress disorder counseling at Quiet Lives Sanatorium and Travel Planning Center.

The Misty Maiden Walk Book Club has asked that we add a correction to its previous announcement, which stated that “in order to more fully subscribe to the literary values of truth and baring the soul” the club will cease its practice of rotating its meeting sites among its members’ homes, and will now hold all of its meetings at Rocco’s Lee Shore Dim Sum Heaven “so we can get right down to wine, food and gossip instead of pretending we’ve gathered primarily to discuss books.” As originally published here, the group’s announcement also stated that while membership has previously been restricted to women, members of the opposite sex with literary leanings are invited to attend “now that we’ve gone pubic.” 

   The club informs us that the intended word was “public.” 

   Paging Dr. Freud.


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