COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
All of the contents of this website are copyright 2010, 2011, 2012 by the creator of America’s Major Ashpole™, and the publication of this website on the Internet by its creator constitutes proof of ownership of all content herein, unless otherwise indicated.
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How you view thieving record companies or monopolistic software companies is one thing, but you can’t really justify violating the intellectual property rights of others as a normal course of civilized life and tell yourself that you’re an honest person at the same time.
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IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING:
This website, and all content herein, is satire and fiction.
Letters attributed to famous persons were not written by them.
Letters attributed to unknown persons were not written by them.
Letters attributed to corporations or any other organizations were not written by them.
The entire site is of questionable value and no one should pay any attention, anyway.
Manners Over Mind
Learning to Behave With Grace and Charm In and Around Our Lakes,
With the Sage of Shoreside Savoir-faire,
Lilly White Ruhls
Lohme On The Range
Gardening and Cooking Organically with Five Lakes’ Own Rapidly Ripening Earth Mother,
Soila Lohme
GUEST COLUMN
by Aubrey Tadgerson
(Editor’s note: Mr. Tadgerson has resided in the Five Lakes area for more than fifty years. He is the founder of the local chapter of “Americans for Citizen-Monitored Unmanned Flying Drones
In Our Schools and School District Offices.”)
ART REVIEW
Kill Yourself In Early Middle Age, and
Dalombakipper Retrospective at the Five Lakes Art and Kitchen Exhibition Space
by August Hollering
You Should Have Known
Quizzes that purport to help you better understand yourself and your life
by satisfyingly oversimplifying everything,
by Dr. Wiley Kesswork, Ed.D.,
A. Chairman, B. President, C. Director of Research, D. Editor-In-Chief,
Multiple Choice Institute of North America
Lohme On The Range
Gardening and Cooking Organically with Five Lakes’ Own Rapidly Ripening Earth Mother,
Soila Lohme
Of Marginal Interest
Neighborhood News Unlikely To Matter To Anyone Who Lives In Another Neighborhood, Reported, as it were,
by Basil Marono
Taking It To America
Notable Accomplishments of
Five Lakers Beyond Our Blessed Shores
by Myles Aveigh
Schpealing On Healing
The Psychology of Keeping
Body and Soul In Harmony,
by Dr. Noble Schpealing, M.D., Ph.D.
Director, The Five Lakes Institute for Avoiding Institutes
BOOK NOOK LANDING
by Paige Galleigh
100 PEOPLE WHO MADE ME CRY
And why I don’t like them
By Joy Behar
46 pages $46.00
Exploit The View Press
It is strongly recommended that you read at least two Major Ashpole essays before reading the above two pieces.
We also suggest that you perhaps alternate between reading a Major Ashpole piece, and then one of the reviews, reports or essays from another contributor.
As a final suggestion for your reading and entertainment pleasure:
We do not recommend that you try to read all of the columns--Major Ashpole’s or any others--at one sitting. They are not written to be read immediately one after the other, but, rather, each is written to be absorbed and savored fully for its own charms and pleasures, not to mention insight, where applicable, before a reader delights in another one. Remember that subscribers to The Heron receive each issue on a weekly or so basis, and take their time in joyously relishing each offering.
copyright 2010, 2011, 2012 all rights reserved
New Book Coming Soon!
Special Note,
July 12, 2012:
Major Ashpole and the entire editorial staff have been on creative retreat for the past 18 months or so, hanging around the
Large Hadron Collider to see if anything important might be discovered.
Since the best the Hadron folks have come up with is a high likelihood that the Higgs boson particle might exist, which means little more than that a horde of physicists will now be able to apply for new grant money, Major and staff have returned to the
Five Lakes area, disappointed, but better for the many side trips for fine food and wine.
New columns and features will start appearing on or about July 28.
Calm down...
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